Archive | December, 2016

WRINKLEX – The Next Big Thing

13 Dec


Ok – we had the stupid long hair. The platform boots. The brown flares with turn-ups.

Then came the punk stuff – piercing tongues, nipples, safety pins through eyebrows, spiky greasy mohawks. Pale, sickly skins, the Young Ones.

Then mullets, big hair, and the perplexing and wet New Romantics. Goths.

And then – a Generation Y that had run out of ideas. Oh, yes, the back to front baseball cap. As a statement for a generation this was perhaps the most insipid. Also the most stupid, most impractical, and the most devoid of creativity and daring – winning the prize for the most pathetic rebellious act since Adam and that apple.

Lleyton Hewitt – how different it all could have been.

Even worse, the rappers who shifted the cap sideways. WTF?? “Hey 50 Cent, Jay Z, Eminem –  I’m talkin’ to youz – when you met at the inaugural Rappers Inc. AGM, was this decision left to the last minute, the ‘Any Other Business’, alongside such things like chord progression and melody?”

This whole insipid lop-sided infection has spread to the Millennials -who sadly know no better. If it was back to front trousers, they would still follow their idols. As it is, their waistbands are somewhere near their knees, making a striding gait a thing of the past. Critical thinking died out many years ago.

But of course, none of these pathetic and failed attempts to define a generation can match the modern and, to me, totally bewildering obsession with tattoos. Leaving out of course the 5%  whose tattoos have cultural and spiritual significance, we are left with a large percentage of the population who have covered vast areas of skin with messy dark permanent blotches, devoid of any artistic merit.

Not to mention the mysterious tiny butterflies that settled some years ago upon the upper gluteal regions of  so many women-of-a-certain-age. (Medical confidentiality does have its advantages.)

I was examining (medically) a 20-something student recently with a back covered in an elaborate fox hunting scene. You know, the one where the fox is about to disappear into an orifice best described, in anatomical terms, as positioned just beyond the coccyx. The tattooist had been an enthusiastic amateur. In fact his very own brother, who shared his own own liking of something called ‘weed whisky’ – a blend that they apparently enjoyed together during the whole creative process.

The session had lasted about 4 hours,  and was going fine with  bounding hounds and galloping horses clearly recognisable down to the shoulder blades. Then drifting south…. well, strange apparently shape-shifting creatures appeared, possibly hybrids from some long lost Greek mythology, then an increasingly blurred blotchy mess, culminating in what could have been, with a vivid imagination, a disheveled fox, or possibly an armadillo, missing its hole of refuge by a sizable 3 inches.

All this seemed then and now to be taken in good humour by the afflicted student, the one person unlikely ever to examine the evidence in detail.

As has been frequently pointed out, these messy aberrations are likely to be even more tragic when on display in the retirement homes of 40 years hence. Saggy wrinkly abominations, with staff applying for danger money to continue their employment.

So here is my idea – my trademarked solution to all this nonsense. A lasting trend – a gift that keeps on giving.


Forget Botox – where all folk do is imagine the real you, possibly even worse than the real you.

With WRINKLEX TM   you get your wrinkles early in life. Folks get used to them. You will discover this – YOU WILL NEVER GROW OLD.

Go for the fine lines or the deep crevices – your choice. Use the PERMANENT CREVICE DEVICE TM , or the DYNAMIC FADE-IN FADE-OUT APPLICATOR TM , allowing you to subtly increase or reduce the wrinkles over time!

Of course, it will cost but see it as an INVESTMENT. And as time goes by and you grow your own natural wrinkles, the costs will be reduced. Superannuation in a bottle.

Say goodbye to stupid fleeting trends that make you look daft when you revisit those selfies in years to come.

So phone this number now 0800WRINKLEX.

If you phone in the next 10 minutes you will get not only one bottle, but TWO and a free PERMANENT CREVICE DEVICE TM   and  DYNAMIC FADE-IN FADE-OUT APPLICATOR TM , and our user friendly razor blade. All for $9.99 with $100 p&p.

Children ask your parents first.

Terms and conditions apply.